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Wishes

I have issues.

First the ex has decided to move out of our matrimonial home and move in with his parents...apparently so he can save money so that he'll have a downpayment for his new house...when he finds one.

He still has to pay the mortgage on the old house so I don't know how he's planning on saving money. And he's uprooted the kids to go stay at Grandma and Grandpa's while he has them.

Makes zero sense to me. But whatever.

In other news..my sweet boy is still amazing. But I find myself wishing that we each had no past to think about. As unrealistic as it sounds I wish he was a virgin who had never even looked at another girl til me.

Crazy no?

I know it's goofy but it's what I think about when I'm alone and missing him.

I know we're 40 years old (plus for me) so obviously there have been others in our life but I think that he kinda rewrites his history so that I will feel special. I know that he was separated for a year before he even met me and I know that no man is gonna go that long without extracurricular activities...and those activities are not what gets me thinking. It's the thought that he had a relationship that bothers me. He says he didn't -that any involvements he had were just spinning his wheels til he met me but I think I might know different.

I wish I didn't think so much.

It doesn't affect what we have now..not for one second...he is the love of my life and I know I'm his.

I just wish I could ask questions and get answers...even though I know that's probably not a good idea.

I wish I could change the past.

But I can't so I'm just gonna be happy with the wonderful life I have now. And it is wonderful...I'm so glad we found each other.

7:38 a.m. - 2009-04-30

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