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reader1209's diary

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Rambles

Here are some assorted updates/ramblings/musings for this long, slow, boring Friday afternoon.

I've been having this recurring dream over the last year or so. It changes slightly here and there but the one constant is that at some point during the dream I have to go somewhere by stair or by tunnel and the stairway or tunnel is so small that I have to squeeze my way through. I never get completely stuck but I always have to wriggle around to get through and I do get stuck momentarily. I didn't realize until today that I have this dream quite often so I thought I would look up what it means.

Because they say that recurring dreams are trying to tell you something.

So I looked it up on dreammoods.com. The only thing I could think of to look up was "stuck". And here is what it said:

"To dream that you are stuck, represents helplessness and feeling of being unable to escape from life's problems/stress. You have lost confidence in yourself and in your ability to move ahead in your life. Your lack of clear goals and low self-esteem may be a common cause for such dreams."

hmmmm.

So then I tried "trapped" although really in the dream I am neither stuck nor trapped but I feel that it is a dinstinct possibility that I could be. Anyway the "trapped" interpretation said this:

"To dream that you are trapped or caught in a trap, suggests that you are feeling confined and restricted in your job, career, health, or a personal relationship. You may be in a rut or tired of the same daily monotony."

Again...hmmmm.

By the way, to skibigsky, Jenn and my little katiedoyle thanks so much for the comments you left...they made me feel much better. Also, Jenn, if you are giving out the password for your diary I would love to have it.

Anyhoo, the dream thing is weird and I don't know what to make of it.

I've been thinking about getting another tattoo. I'm thinking that maybe this time I would like to get a word. You know, just one word that would symbolize something. For example, and I will deny that anything Lindsay Lohan ever did inspired me, but she has, on the inside of her wrist, the word "breathe". I like that...again I will freakin' deny ever having said I like anything to do with LiLo...but I like the way that the one word conveys a sense of stop, take a breath, live in the moment, relax.

But since she's got "breathe" I have to come up with another one. Any ideas?

I've been thinking and thinking but the best I can come up with is "live life", "enjoy", "believe" and about a jillion more but none of them really hit the spot. I just like "breathe"

stupid Lindsay Lohan.

Remember how I have that brother-in-law who can't stand me. Well, apparently his wife called my house today to invite us to a surprise party that she is throwing for his birthday. Now, we have recently been hearing rumblings from a third party about how he would like to become closer to his family and I'm guessing this is an attempt to try and make that happen but the party is scheduled for tomorrow.

Yeah, passive-aggressive much? Invite us to a surprise birthday party with like 24 hours notice and then when we can't make it...guess who gets to be the bad guy?

This is the guy, by the way, who told my husband that he wouldn't talk to him again until he divorced me. Who also told my husband that he SAW me screwing around on him. Total lie.

To be honest...I don't want to go. Not because I'm being snippy but because I have not been feeling real good about myself lately and the thought of spending an afternoon with people who have historically treated me like crap is not my idea of good for the soul fun. But, I do know that if I don't go my hubby will probably go and then I guess that makes me the bitch who wouldn't go.

Is it possible to be mildly depressed? That's what I feel like...like everything is just too much trouble. I'm constantly tired. Watching tv seems like work. Falling asleep is hard to do all of a sudden. I just want to not have to think. I'm thinking a lot of it is hormones because I'm quick to get angry and frustrated but doing anything about the anger or frustration...just seems like it would take too much energy.

Blecchhhh!

That's all I got for now but I still have 4 more hours at work so I may be back later.

2:16 p.m. - 2007-08-03

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