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reader1209's diary

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Okay here's the deal-io...

I've been insanely busy..but really gettin' nothing done and that's why it's been so long between updates.

Oh! and plus I've been happy..for the most part. It's harder to update when you're happy..

Here's what's been going on.

First, I still do not (and yes that was a NOT) own my own home. Why you ask? Because I did get posession of said home back in May...why would I not own it?

Well, the soon-to-be ex is still dragging his heels about the separation agreement and the removing of my name from the title of the home we own together.

Banks get skittish about giving you a mortgage if you already have one.

The last offer that was on the table (and excuse me if I already told y'all this) was I said I would take no child support, no spousal support, I wouldn't touch his pension - he could have the child tax credit and I would sign off on our house (meaning he could just have it - free and clear, not owing me a cent) and I would pay for the oldest's braces. HE would have to pay have of the $200a month it costs for health benefits and he would have to pay my $3000 legal bills.

Pretty sweet deal....for HIM.

I was literally in my lawyer's office signing papers without even looking at them so that this deal could go through. My lawyer told me they would call around noon that day and I could start celebrating the fact that I was a homeowner.

Mind you this was a deal that he had verbally agreed to with me. EVERYONE assumed it was a done deal.

At 11-ish my lawyer called me and asked me what was wrong with him...he didn't sign it.

The purchase of my house would not go through.

Why you ask?

Well, that was my question also. So I asked him and his response was this. The health benefits cost me approximately $200 a month. That's for our family plan..all 5 of us including him. He believes that I will drop him from the benefits as soon as I am able. (Fuckin' right I will). So he feels that when I do so he should be able to reduce his payment toward those benefits by 20%. 5 of us, one of us drops off..I GET the math.

But, my benefits are family or single..which means MY portion only goes down if I drop everyone but me. So if I drop him I still pay $200 for the kids and me.

But he believes he should be able to drop his payment for the benefits by $40.

So for $40 a month he held up the whole agreement.

Needless to say I was angry. I had offered him everything..I had nothing else to give.

So I did what any self-respecting, backed against the wall woman would do. I called my divorce lawyer and told her to take the offer off the table and proceed to go after everything I was legally entitled to...nothing more, nothing less. AND to do it through the courts...screw this trying-to-work-it-out-between-the -two-of-us bullshit.

So now I'm asking for child support, an equalization payment of $27,000, him to pay benefits, part of his pension and the splitting of all extraordinary expenses for the children...and I want half the child tax credit...and he can pay my legal fees.

Hell hath no fury, my friends.

So now...here I sit in a house I don't own...waiting for a court date and hoping that the owners of this house will agree to keep renting to me and won't decide to sue my ass off for breach of contract or whatever it's called.

In the meantime, the dick (yes I did just call him that) has told me that I should be paying half the mortgage, taxes and insurance on the house his ass is living in.

I told him "get in line and sue me..I'm not paying you jack for a house I can't even enter because YOU illegally changed the locks the day after I left"

And he's decided that since I OWE him those things he will not contribute his half towards the oldest's braces or his half towards the benefits or his half towards Potatie's girl guide membership.

So, I am currently paying all those things in addition to my rent and other expenses...

We have a court date in FEBRUARY and I'm thinking the judge is not gonna be impressed with the ex's arguments.

I hope.

Blechhh!!

In other news, the new boy is still awesome.
It is so refreshing to be with someone who will listen to me when I talk about my feelings regarding our relationship and not feel that it is a personal attack that needs to be defended.

We have not had one fight since we've been together. Not a one.

Have we had issues that have come up...of course. We're both 40 years old -there's baggage.

But each time we've sat and talked and listened and solved whatever the issue was in a healthy loving way.

No simmering angst here!!

The only problem we have is that we only get to see each other on Wednesdays and Thursdays and the occasional weekend.

This because I have my kids on Mondays and Tuesdays and every other weekend and he has his every weekend unless we have something planned.

And we are all about doing this the right way ...the way that won't screw our kids up.

He just told his son that he met someone a few weeks ago but I have not met him yet. We're waiting for him to be ready and ask.

My kids don't even know I have a special friend.

Do you see how responsible we're being??

Yeah, it sucks.

I see people everyday that move from their marriage right into another live in relationship and drag the kids with them. I see people that introduce every new guy to their kids on the first date.

And here we are - 9 months into a relationship and we have yet to lay eyes on each others kids.

I miss him when he's not here and I just want to be able to see him and talk to him whenever I want.

I almost feel like I'm putting everyone else first before me...and I don't like it.

I'll do it but I don't like it.

I so want my kids to meet him and see the two of us together...I want them to see a healthy, completely loving relationship. I want my girls to measure every boy they meet against the one who so openly, publicly, privately,completely loves their mother. I want my son to see how to treat the woman you love.

I want them to see me happy.

But for now I'll just wait...and cherish the moments I get with my sweet boy.

Damn! I love that man.

7:25 a.m. - 2008-11-21

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